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http://fuckyeahdnd.tumblr.com/post/94897141394/baseattackbonus-fuckyeahdnd-you-know-how

baseattackbonus:

fuckyeahdnd:

You know how cats use their whiskers to navigate their surroundings? That’s why dwarves have beards. If you shave off a dwarf’s beard, they’ll be unable to see in the dark.

I’m thinking this can be expanded to mean dwarves can sense electrical impulses…

ofgeography:

so here’s a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw “first wives club 2” on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!!

here’s the synopsis for first wives club 2:

disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands’ new lovers under their wing.

sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.

so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i’m starting to feel suspicious?? like it’s really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they’re alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY—

here’s what i did not know about first wives club 2:

  • it is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.

so of course i, horrified that i’ve accidentally bought porn on my family’s account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that’s that.

EXCEPT, OF COURSE:

  • you have to pay for pay per view.

so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and i’m sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we’re just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, “okay, there’s something we need to discuss. as a family.”

  • AS A FAMILY.

and i’m like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she’s going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Earned It Kiddo, and she pulls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and i’m like: OH NO.

"i received the tv bill today," my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren’t going to feed me this kind of quality starch. "does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography?"

as a reminder, a quick table survey:

  • my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)
  • my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)
  • my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent)
  • me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography

silence.

my mother said, “i’m not going to ask again.”

silence.

my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY.

my mother shook her head and put the bill down. “this was incredibly inappropriate,” she said. “skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. i’m not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?”

  • WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?

"don’t expose my kid to that crap."

  • DON’T
  • EXPOSE
  • MY KID
  • TO THAT CRAP

"if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don’t expect me to pay for it. i can’t believe one of you did that in the living room."

  • I CAN’T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT
  • IN THE LIVING ROOM

but molly, why didn’t you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • i did not want to go to porn prison

the fun conclusion to this story is that i never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey:

  • my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for
  • my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wife’s sister’s porn preferences
  • my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister’s husband’s porn preferences

but molly, why don’t you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn’t real?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • this is the best thing i’ve ever done

(Source: bellecs)

cutewithoutthe:

pseudomuse:

Cutewithoutthe: thats really not convincing. As far as i can tell, your ‘good cop’ family members could very easily be complicent in all sorts of shady shit. Besides, this isnt about singular officers. Its about the entirety of the system.

Ferguson is horrible.

But getting rid of the police force is the equivalent of burning down an entire house to rid it of a cockroach infestation.

Restructure, not eradicate the system. Police are needed and in best circumstances make things better. But this constant war against the public needs to end. The mentality that has been established and the cost of human life needs to end. Especially training cops as soldiers. That needs to stop. Protect and serve, go to jail for killing others, be accountable for your actions and the actions of those you work with. Cameras on every cop would be a start, changing the system so the jurisdictions are clearer would be even better.

Was asked by mum the other day if there’s anything that i look at here on tumblr that helps me get out of bad moods.

I had to explain once again that depression isnt a mood that i can just get out of.

Dunno if she understood or not.

World is still falling apart and proving itself to be horrible. Adulthood sucks.

I had a thought that maybe if i went back to a simpler time when i focussed only on my own little sphere of influence and life that i’d be happier. But that would be living a lie. Cant do that. Not again.

Blegh.

Curled up in bed thinking about how life would be better if i was just a red panda. Sleep the days away and be cute all the time.

Sigh.

Reasons to play Bioshock 2

marenorchid:

  • Strong poc female character that doesn’t have to die.
  • Strong main female character that has a direct hand in her own rescue.
  • Poc playable protagonist in the dlc.
  • The voice acting
  • The levels are awesome
  • The gameplay is smooth
  • Most of the people who say that they don’t like it have not played the game.
  • The little sisters actually look more realistic.
  • The main character isn’t an angry white man with a stubble.
  • ITS LITERALLY LIKE 5 DOLLARS AT WALMART PLEASE JUST PLAY IT

vivinea:

gamma0rionis:

Night Vision of Melbourne, Australia

Melbourne seen from the International Space Station at night reveals its young history. Unlike the winding streets in older European cities, Melbourne’s streetlights follow a more planned grid system. Established in 1835 around the natural bay of Port Phillip Melbourne is the capital of the state of Victoria in Australia.

that looks wicked

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