Now Playing Tracks

tardistiles:

sp00kyqueer:

sp00kyqueer:

Something I realised, after having to help many international tourists count out their change, is that American coins don’t actually have the number value on them??? Like no wonder all these poor tourists are so confused

like

image

it just fucking says one “dime”

what the fuck is a dime

how much is it worth

whose idea was this

oh my god i never even realized that what the hell we all just sort of know what they’re worth through some sixth sense bullshit

  • Talking to gf about new silent hill teaser

  • Me:

    At this point I do not blame any silent hill fan from being cautious about any new silent hill game.

  • Gf:

    Well yeah.

  • Me:

    I mean, I totally understand. Like... I *LAUGHED* my way through Shattered Memories.

  • Gf:

    No! Don't even, that fucking game...

  • Me:

    No no, wait... the best part of that game.

  • Gf:

    What?

  • Me:

    The best part, and my favorite thing in Shattered Memories... the toucan.

  • Gf:

    Oh fuck you.

  • Me:

    *laughter* And that's why! That's why it's my favorite thing ever.

  • Gf:

    That fucking toucan. God...

  • Me:

    That is why it's my favorite thing in Shattered Memories, because I knew I'd get that reaction. Everyone that knows Shattered Memories knows the toucan!

  • (EDIT:

    I fucked up, I originally wrote Homecoming instead of Shattered Memories, but homecoming was pretty bad too so whatever)

http://fuckyeahdnd.tumblr.com/post/94897141394/baseattackbonus-fuckyeahdnd-you-know-how

baseattackbonus:

fuckyeahdnd:

You know how cats use their whiskers to navigate their surroundings? That’s why dwarves have beards. If you shave off a dwarf’s beard, they’ll be unable to see in the dark.

I’m thinking this can be expanded to mean dwarves can sense electrical impulses…

ofgeography:

so here’s a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw “first wives club 2” on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!!

here’s the synopsis for first wives club 2:

disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands’ new lovers under their wing.

sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.

so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i’m starting to feel suspicious?? like it’s really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they’re alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY—

here’s what i did not know about first wives club 2:

  • it is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.

so of course i, horrified that i’ve accidentally bought porn on my family’s account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that’s that.

EXCEPT, OF COURSE:

  • you have to pay for pay per view.

so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and i’m sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we’re just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, “okay, there’s something we need to discuss. as a family.”

  • AS A FAMILY.

and i’m like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she’s going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Earned It Kiddo, and she pulls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and i’m like: OH NO.

"i received the tv bill today," my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren’t going to feed me this kind of quality starch. "does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography?"

as a reminder, a quick table survey:

  • my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)
  • my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)
  • my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent)
  • me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography

silence.

my mother said, “i’m not going to ask again.”

silence.

my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY.

my mother shook her head and put the bill down. “this was incredibly inappropriate,” she said. “skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. i’m not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?”

  • WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?

"don’t expose my kid to that crap."

  • DON’T
  • EXPOSE
  • MY KID
  • TO THAT CRAP

"if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don’t expect me to pay for it. i can’t believe one of you did that in the living room."

  • I CAN’T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT
  • IN THE LIVING ROOM

but molly, why didn’t you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • i did not want to go to porn prison

the fun conclusion to this story is that i never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey:

  • my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for
  • my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wife’s sister’s porn preferences
  • my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister’s husband’s porn preferences

but molly, why don’t you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn’t real?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • this is the best thing i’ve ever done

(Source: bellecs)

Decided last night to do a non-stop run in GTA V, from the top of Mount Chilliad down the eastern freeway and to the end of the Vespucci Beach Pier.

Halfway through, one of my friends got online, joined the session, pulled up along side me, went BACK to their house, got changed and helped complete the second leg of the journey once I’d reached Vinewood Boulevard.

In total I ended up covering over 11.5 km (dunno what that translates to in miles) in nearly 33 minutes flat.

Was a lot of fun and was surprised to see my friend join me, but we had a great time and nobody else online hassled us while we were running.

We celebrated with a few go arounds on the rollercoaster and ferris wheel.

Oh, and why did I do it? Because I could, and it was there.

To Tumblr, Love Pixel Union